DAY 85 – REMOVING USELESS AND DETRIMENTAL THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIORS (USING COGNITIVE-BEHAVIOR THERAPY, LOGOTHERAPY AND MINDFULNESS)

I just came home and I noticed that there was a stain on my carpet by my front door. Earlier in the morning I was working on my car and I probably brought some grease into the house on the bottom of my shoes. When I tried to rub it out of the carpet it wasn’t easy to get rid of the stain. Eventually the stain did come out but it was more difficult, time consuming and troublesome than I thought it would be.

Getting rid of the most significant personal difficulties a person has to deal with is often like trying to remove a ground in stain on a carpet that doesn’t want to be removed, it is still there no matter what you do. Even some minor problems that are just annoying occur so often that they too seem to be the unremovable stain on the carpet.

Problems are inevitable. The more complex a society is, the more we need people who have the skills to fix what needs mending. When we have a mechanical problem with our cars we go to an auto mechanic to fix it. When we have a problem with our refrigerators, washing machines, plumbing, electrical wiring or anything else in our homes we go to people who can fix that problem. When we have a health issue we go to doctors to try and remedy the ailment. When we have problems when working at a large corporation we can go to human resources to try and fix the issue.

Problems in our personal lives often require someone to help fix it. When we have addictions, an inability to get along with people, difficulties in our most important relationships, excessive worry, easily annoyed, bouts of anger or a sense that life is too burdensome and we do not see how we can change our situation we seek out therapists or counselors who can help us rid ourselves of these troubling circumstances.

Therapists and counselors understand that human beings can become trapped in their own minds by the habitual silent words that we say to ourselves. From those thoughts we develop our behavior habits that we often take with us as we go about our daily lives. While many of our thoughts and behaviors are life enhancing, there are certain silent words that create personal difficulties for oneself or are detrimental to the well being of our fellow human beings. By going to therapy a person can develop insights into how he or she has been affected by past experiences, the thoughts that emanate from those experiences and the behaviors that have enhanced one’s life or made it more difficult. With more insights into one’s own life, a person can then create new thought and behavior habits that increases the likelihood that problems will go away and be replaced with the type of life that each of us wants to have.

When we look closer at the human mind it can reveal so much to us. No one can think about two diametrically opposite things at the exact same time. No one can think about something joyful at the exact same time he or she is thinking that something is terribly wrong. No one can think about liking a person at the exact same time he or she is about thinking how much they hate that person. No one can think about how good and deserving of a better life I can have for myself at the exact same time he or she is thinking that I am not a good person and unworthy of having a decent life.

Human beings cannot also act in two diametrically different ways at a specific moment. No one can act friendly, courteous and respectful at the same moment they are acting unfriendly, discourteous and disrespectful. No one can act thoughtful and helpful at the same moment they ignore someone in their time of need. No one can purposely contribute to making this a better world for all of humanity at the same time they are engaged in actions that make life difficult for other people.

Getting to understand the difference between two polar opposite ways of thinking and behaving is what cognitive and behavior therapy can achieve. Being able to get a better grasp of one’s disturbing thoughts, unproductive thinking and thoughts detrimental to inner harmony can help a person adopt thoughts that are beneficial for oneself. Being able to counter annoyance and anger at other people that creates divides in relationships, human beings can show the good and decent side of themselves in all that they do which is the basis for harmonious interactions and relationships. Breaking patterns of detrimental thinking and behaving that have no useful purpose and are decades old can be difficult to reverse but becomes achievable by developing an awareness of one’s thoughts and behaviors and how they came to be an everyday presence.

Besides the cognitive and behavioral forms of therapy, logotherapy is another type of therapy that helps a person deal with their difficulties. Logotherapy strives to show those who are troubled by life’s events that there are people and things in their life that they gravitate to that are very meaningful to them. Developing an appreciation for what is personally meaningful can help each of us adequately cope with what comes our way by putting life’s difficulties into their proper perspective, something that happens but does not constitute what touches us deeply.

When life does not turn out as we want it to, especially with the more difficult situations, knowing that there are people who we love and care about and who reciprocates such love and caring will give us the needed psychological and emotional support that every human being needs. Spending time with those special few people is uplifting when life is working well but when problems develop that are extremely taxing it is imperative to remember that our loved ones give our life meaning and this can be a life jacket that prevents us from sinking.

Human beings also have certain things that each person’s spirit gravitates towards. We spend our time engaged in pursuing those special wants that are personally meaningful and find it so fulfilling that it plays an important role in our ability to enjoy life. Seeing this when our lives become complicated can be the difference between being overwhelmed by the situation or seeing the forest through the trees with a confidence that our troubles can be successfully navigated.

In addition to cognitive and behavioral therapy and logotherapy we need to add mindfulness into the equation. With mindfulness you become aware of your thoughts while you are having them. You can immediately comprehend which thoughts are detrimental to finding inner harmony when they make you sad, angry, frustrated, worried, scared or fearful. You can immediately realize how you are creating difficulties in your interactions and relationships. You can immediately know that your mind has generated a dialogue that belittles yourself or someone else and that you will be better off without such disdain.

Mindfulness also plays a key role in being aware of your actions. You can immediately see yourself when you take care of your health and when you do not. You can immediately see yourself when you treat other people well and when you do not. You can better comprehend your behaviors in relation to which ones are life enhancing and which ones are detrimental to creating a better life and better world.

There are certain times in everyone’s life where they need someone to be there for them. The world does not have enough therapists and counselors to deal with everyone before or after they have personal issues. A community betterment project can play an important role in helping people to prevent useless and detrimental thoughts and behaviors from taking hold as well as helping their fellow community members to remove useless and detrimental thought and behavior habits that they live with. Community meetings can be set up where people can find the necessary safety and security to seek help. The world changes for the better when we can be there for one another, sometimes giving help and at other times getting help, in community after community around the world.

The difficulties that I have to deal with that make my life more difficult and complicated than I want it to be can take a psychological and emotional toll on me. With the goal of finding more inner harmony, I now realize that I can replace my old ways of thinking and behaving that have a detrimental effect upon my life with new ways of thinking and behaving that have a beneficial effect upon my life. I can also replace any annoyances and anger that I have by focusing my attention upon the people who mean the most to me along with the things that I enjoy doing. By being mindful of how I am thinking, behaving and what is meaningful to me I can better deal with whatever comes my way.