DAY 84 – THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS AND STATEMENTS FOR SELF UNDERSTANDING: IT BEGINS WITH WHICH, WHY, WHAT, HOW AND DO NOT
I am at a private art event at my friend’s gallery. Of the fifty or so people there, the only ones I know are my friend and two of her employees.
During the course of four hours my friend and her employees introduced me to most of the guests there. While I did not know much about art, the people I met are real art enthusiasts. It seemed that each person I talked to could go on about the paintings hanging in the gallery as well as general information in the art world.
While everyone there is very nice, the same pattern emerges when meeting someone for the first time. We ask someone questions about themself such as what type of work do you do, what are your interests and where are you from. We can find out a few things about them but general information questions do not give insight into the inner depths of another human being.
The same lack of getting to understand another person about who they are deep down can also apply to getting to know oneself with more depth. Too many people do not ask themselves the right questions that will give them the real insights into what they do and why they do it. Without a deeper understanding about oneself patterns of thinking and behaving stay the same over the course of decades even if there is a desire and need for something different.
Sitting down and calmly analyzing one’s own life is essential for changing your life. Such understanding of oneself requires asking questions that begins with which, why, what and how and two statements that begin with do not.
WHICH AREAS OF MY LIFE ARE PROBLEMATIC
Human beings often get caught up in their day to day living of their lives. We go from doing one thing to doing the next thing. If you’re a parent your child can keep you busy every waking hour. If you’re dating or married to someone the time you spend together is filled with doing things together. If you have a job the hours at work finds you having to perform certain tasks throughout the working day. When you combine working, involvement in a relationship and being a parent so much of our time centers around these three things.
When something goes wrong in your life you know it. No one has to point it out to you since you’re focusing your time and energy upon having to deal with whatever is problematic. The real insight comes when you can understand how each personal problem is related to one of the nine basic requirements for a better life. It is then possible to put your problems into their proper perspective because many of the other nine basic requirements for a better life are turning out as you want them to. Seeing life in such a manner makes your problems less daunting in your mind.
WHY AM I THINKING AND ACTING AS I DO
Just as we think and act our way to a better life with fewer problems we also think and act our way to situations that create personal difficulties or problems for another human being. By asking ourselves “why am I thinking and acting as I do”, each of us can look deeper into the reasons that have led to certain thoughts and behaviors that create the unwanted in each of our lives.
Since we become affected by what we see, hear or read, every person can look for something that had a profound effect upon themself that became the silent words of annoyance, anger, apprehension or mistrust towards another human being. We can look back on our past and see that self-doubt, insecurity, fears or acceptance of being mistreated were the result of the words and actions of someone else that a person then heaps upon themself and it becomes part of the inner dialogue that is ever present.
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Knowing why you have the thoughts that you have and why you engage in the behaviors that you do are so important in preventing personal problems. Understanding others in this same way enables you to be more sympathetic to what another person is going through. Such insights makes it easier to overcome the problematic silent words that meander through one’s mind and help the people you know to do the same.
Some people allow personal heartache, despair, worry and a belief in a futile and a troubled future to be a constant part of their lives while other people have a mindset that enables them to find the beauty within their own life and within this world that carries them forward with endless positive possibilities. For those who have a troubled life, finding the answers to “why am I thinking and acting as I do” will help remove the former and lead to the latter.
WHAT IF I AM WRONG
Human beings have thoughts about themselves, their loved ones, other people, philosophical ideologies and the world at large. At any age a person can develop ideas about life and never fully entertain new ideas about their beliefs. When this happens a person closes their mind to what is happening in the world that could be counter to what they believe in. New information is discarded even if it can be shown to have more validity than the thoughts in one’s own mind.
Asking oneself “what if I am wrong” is essential for every human being no matter what their beliefs about life are. It can enable a person to better understand ideas contrary to one’s own. It can open up a world of possibilities that aren’t there with a mind closed to new ways of living life that may have the potential to right the wrongs and change what may have seemed unchangeable.
“What if I am wrong” enables a person to look at “why am I thinking and acting as I do” in greater detail. It allows a person the objectivity to see any flaws in one’s own thinking and behaviors. It enables a person to delve more closely into whether they are trying to live their life based upon making life better for oneself, others and planet earth. It enables a person to be more humble as well as trying to find an objective truth to a situation. The more a person can search within himself or herself to seek what is beneficial and not blindly defend oneself for any miscalculation the easier it becomes to find a better way forward.
DO NOT LET CERTAIN THINGS DEFINE YOU
All of us have mental images of ourselves. We have thoughts about what others think about our character and capabilities. We have our own beliefs in what we are capable of doing and having. Whether it is low self-esteem or an exaggerated self-confidence, everyone’s mental image of themself determines how they go about living their lives.
Just like any other personal aspects about yourself, being verbally demeaned or discouraged from pursuing something you find interesting can create a mental self image of being incapable of succeeding. You may shy away from things you really want to do only because you think there is little or no chance you are capable of doing it well. The world then becomes one giant do not enter sign.
On the other hand, your belief in yourself can be related to getting encouragement and praise which does wonders when you were a child, or a person of any age, to challenge yourself to try something new. As time goes on, the more you can succeed at various endeavors the more you will keep doing what is personally meaningful and be able to seek out things you never before had done because there are no limits and boundaries in your mind to what is possible and doable.
Do not let other people define who you are. Allowing someone to put you on a pedestal and you soaking that in may create an inflated sense of your capabilities. This is as much a detriment to becoming a grounded human being and finding fulfillment as having an unflattering inner dialogue take hold because someone belittles and mistreats you. Your ability to live your life as you want it requires you to see your flaws as fixable and see your capabilities as an asset which will then enable you to soar to the greatest of heights.
DO NOT LET PROBLEMS CONTINUE
From time to time every human being has something in his or her life that is problematic. They can appear out of nowhere and quickly vanish as if they didn’t happen but still be very annoying and disruptive. The real difficulties that can eat away at us are those unwanted developments that stay with us for months, years or decades.
Too often we believe that certain problematic situations are unchangeable so we endure them. We want them to be gone but we do not know how to rid ourselves of them. They stay with us as if they are a natural part of life yet we know there is nothing natural about an ever present difficulty.
Do not let problems continue. There is nothing to be gained. Life is so much better without problems. The more moments devoted to dealing with something you wish never happened takes away from what you desire to happen in your life, being psychologically and emotionally free to find joy with the people you love and are close to and doing things that you enjoy.
HOW CAN I CREATE MORE HARMONY IN MY LIFE AND IN THE WORLD
Harmony in one’s own life has to be created. Harmony in the world has to be created. Neither one automatically happens.
When you ask yourself the question “which areas of my life are problematic” you are striving to focus your attention on that particular issue in the hopes of freeing yourself of that difficulty. When you ask yourself the question “why am I thinking and acting as I do” you are trying to understand how certain thoughts and actions developed in order to change those thoughts and actions that make your life more difficult. When you ask yourself the question “what if I am wrong” you are attempting to objectively look at yourself for miscalculations in how you think and detrimental behaviors that hinders your ability to have a better life both of which can hinder your ability to effectively contribute to making this a collectively better world. When you tell yourself “do not let certain things define you”, you are making a definitive statement that you will not be affected by any negativity directed at you from other people or from a self inflicted unflattering self image. When you tell yourself “do not let problems continue” you instinctively know that it is a waste of your time and emotional energy to have a difficulty linger as well as fully understanding that what is needed is to have a focus on the solutions as soon as a difficulty appears.
The deeper you look into these questions and statements the more you can develop an inner strength to withstand any outside noise that creates doubt about your good and kind nature. You can see yourself from the perspective of believing in your capabilities and engaging in actions that bring about more personal inner harmony and more harmony for humanity.
After sitting for a while silently looking at one artist’s work that fascinated me and thinking about life I now realize that certain questions and statements can be the awakening that leads me onto a path that not only enhances my life but also makes me a better human being.