DAY 47 – KEY ASPECT: LIFE NOT TURNING OUT AS YOU WANT IT TO

I am a lawyer giving a lecture to a group of pre-law students about the people I have represented. I tell them about problems people have in their marriages that led them to end their relationship and sue for custody of their children. I give them examples of how people seek financial restitution when a contractor does not fulfill their contractual obligations or what happens when they have been in a car accident. The one thing that is behind every lawsuit is that someone becomes upset because he or she believes they have been wronged by the person they are taking to court.

I have a friend who is a historian and is an expert in political history. He tells me that people across many timelines and in countries around the planet also get upset when something is amiss in their society. They are similar to my clients who just want life to run smoothly.

Becoming disappointed and getting upset is not only related to legal issues and political affairs, it is also related to everyday life. When someone says or does something not to one’s liking there can be disdain for such words and behaviors which turns into justification for an emotional reaction. Believing that people have to always say things we want them to say and do the things that we expect them to do is unrealistic. Life has an inevitability to it where at various points in time others will disappoint each of us by their words or deeds. Everyone in some way knows this yet human beings still have the propensity to get upset anyway.

Our ability to get upset over what has already transpired and over what we envision for the future is related to our thoughts about past and future events. It is those silent words that we repeat to ourselves that creates the mindset that someone should not have said or done something that ultimately gets the best of us. Those silent words can also represent thoughts about something that is not presently a problem but may become one later on. When we keep actual or potential difficulties alive in our minds we also allow frustration, anger and anxiety to build up.

Except when we try to learn how to improve our lives and the world around us there is nothing to be gained from thinking about how life has not or will not turn out as you want it to. Frustration and anger will never change a past wrong, even if it occurred just seconds ago, since we cannot go back and redo what has already taken place. As for the future, anxiety and fear over what may develop is usually a waste of time since most of the negativity that we envision often times will never take place.

Young children do not have the ability to analyze life from the perspective of the inevitability of life not always turning out as they want it to. What they want they want it now. There is no acceptance of hearing something they do not want to hear and little tolerance to wait for a delayed gratification with something they want to have or do at that very moment.

Yet adults often react in a similar manner. Someone says something they dislike, changes their mind about doing what they said they would do or does not act in ways they think they should and the manner in which they react to it is to become upset. Even with an arsenal of a greater vocabulary and more insights about life than a child’s, an adult may still strike back with harsh words that are intended to emotionally hurt the other person. What may have started as a minor incident can escalate into a situation that goes far beyond what originally occurred.

Too many arguments and disputes develop when we focus our thoughts about what did not turn out as we wanted it to. Words of anger can lead to a violent physical altercation. Lifelong relationships can be ruined by allowing a hurt to develop or linger for a long time. Nations, as well as people of different groups, can become sworn enemies solely because they not only relive in their minds present day disappointments and disagreements but also the hatreds of their ancestors.

After finishing my lecture I now realize that when I become disappointed, frustrated, angry, anxious or fearful it is because of my thoughts that something in life has not turned out as I wanted it to in the past or may not turn out as I wish it to in the future. Becoming emotionally upset does not change what has already happened and does nothing to alter the future. The inability of human beings to live in peace and harmony with one another has its roots in becoming upset when something in life does not turn out as you want it to.